Friday, April 8, 2016

Sophos Home

Simple. Effective. Free.

 

Sophos Home protects every Mac and PC in your home from malicious software, inappropriate websites and viruses. It uses the same award-winning technology that I trust to protect my business systems. Best of all, you can manage security settings for the whole family from any browser

 

https://www.sophos.com/lp/sophos-home.aspx

 

To protect your business, contact us!

 

 

Friday, April 1, 2016

Permanent Blocking of The Internet

(Sent this to some staff today had to share it LOL)

 

IT Dept Notice 4/1/2016

From: Network Engineer

 

Due to the growing number of viruses and general garbage on the internet, not to the mention the unrelenting stress caused by the internet, I have come to the conclusion that we will have to block the internet permanently.

 

With the internet blocked, our lives should return to normal, and we should see a drastic increase in tee time meetings on the golf course. (Expect beverage cart sales to EXPLODE!) With this new solution we will get a lot of exercise so the health benefits are immeasurable.

 

What Will Be Blocked?

·         The internet, it’s a sucky pain in the rear and we should have blocked it a long time ago.

 

What can we expect as the results of the internet being blocked?

·         Wide Spread Panic, Nausea, Diarrhea, possible vomiting and minor heart failure.

·         Some users may hyper-ventilate due to Facebook and Snap Chat withdrawal.

It is possible that a few users may throw themselves in front of a bus, or jump out a nearby window. (For this reason I suggest we cancel all buses in the area of any of our locations and ensure we lock all windows above the first floor.)

·         Protest is most likely and I will ensure I contact the HR department on the ramifications of renting Tasers and or dousing employees with a firehose. (Please ensure if we do acquire both DO NOT USE THE TASER AND THE FIREHOSE AT THE SAME TIME! This will result in a very crispy employee!)

·         Vandalism is also most likely possible as the fallout of the protesters it is quite reasonable that the IT Dept can expect denigrating graffiti on all of our offices, computers, cars etc. For this reason I highly suggest we do not come to work for at least the next 365 days or until the situation calms down.

·         Food fights may also play a serous role in this decision so I will ensure that we announce this after the lunch break. I will also speak to food and beverage and ensure that only soft foods are served on that day as well as the banning of all hard boiled eggs and lobsters.

·         Worker productivity is expected to increase by about 95%!

·         Weight Loss, this will be normal due to the running back and forth. If our employees start to show signs of malnutrition I will employ some carrier pigeons to take over.

·         ID10T Errors should be greatly reduced however expect several PIBCAK errors as senior users attempt to access the internet to no avail.

·         Due to the fact that controlling access to the internet for users given a tablet and or smartphone is not possible at this time off property, we will have to collect all these devices and throw them in the shredder. Any employee who was equipped with a smart phone or tablet will be given an Etch and Sketch.

 

How will we continue to do business without the internet?

·         It’s called a telephone, we can expect a surge of growth in the call center.

·         Snail Mail, (Please remember to stock up on envelopes and snails)

·         All computers and servers and all internal systems will continue to have power and suck back tons of power, however all network cables will be removed and sold for scrap.

·         All current applications will cease to function,  so just remember you can’t use them anymore.

·         Notepad and calculator will continue to function.

·         The IT Dept will be purchasing 400 external USB floppy disks and 4000 1.44MB Floppy’s to be distributed between all users.

·         The IT Dept is looking at partnering with Nike Shoes ( Or Reebok) as we develop our Sneaker NET.

·         All printers will be repurposed as door stops and boat anchors, we will be hiring a team of stenographers.

·         Any customer looking for internet access should be immediately walked off of the property and permanently banned. (Ensure we post pictures of these people in the front lobby to deter other customers from asking for internet access.)

·         The camera system will also cease to function however we will keep the little red light on them blinking so everyone thinks there still working.

·         Credit and Debit transaction will be completed at end of day as usual however the data will need to be transferred via floppy disk and snail mail. (Important transaction may be transferred via carrier pigeon).

 

Deployment

 

Please scroll down for the deployment date and your duties required.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

APRIL FOOLS!!!!! :P

DOH!

 

 

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Protecting Against Ransomware

If you are reading this post it is most likely (Hopefully not!) that it is already too late and you are already infected….:(

So how do you protect against “Ransomware”?

Well the short answer is no matter what measures you take there is no fool proof way of protecting yourself against this infection, or any infection for that matter. However there is one fool proof way to ensure you can recover from it…

In order to recover from a “Ransomware” infection you need to ensure you have a 3-2-1 backup rule in place.

The 3-2-1 backup rule consists of the following:

·         You need at least three FULL copies of your backup.
o   BEWARE of the “One full backup” and “incremental backups forever” pitfall here that is present in many backup software platforms. There is nothing wrong with this method but you must remember to schedule or manually export a full copy preferably once per week.

·         You need at least two copies of your backup In two different formats.
o   There is nothing worse than trying to recover from a backup to find out it is useless…

·         One of those copies needs to be stored off-site. (MINIMUM OFFLINE!)
o   In the case of protecting against Crypto Locker it is advantageous to store a copy off site and I highly recommend you do this. If you use SkyDrive, Google Drive, or Drobox and you keep all of your files in these containers, you are already doing this. However you should ALWAYS retain at least one copy on your own storage device.
o   An external USB hard drive works well for this.
o   What is MOST CRITICAL is that the offsite copy or any one or two onsite copy’s are KEPT OFFLINE!

There are several ways to accomplish the above, and several software packages that can help you here. However setting something up to comply with the above and be able to “Set it and Forget it” is another matter entirely… What you need is a “CrashPlan”. J *Cougfh* Hint *Cougfh*.

Over the years, and out of necessity; I have developed a plan, and set of software and proprietary standard operating procedures that work harmoniously to accomplish the above tasks. This service is autonomous once properly set up, If you would like to learn more about this service and how you can protect yourself or your business against the “Ransomware” phenomenon please contact me.

Registered Charitable organizations in the Simcoe, Georgian Bay area may gain access to this information for free. Please contact me! J..


Jonathan Keller